Settlement of Refugees
Another article popped up in my feed about Our Loneliness Epidemic. Long before the 2020 pandemic, United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy raised the alarm of an ongoing loneliness epidemic in 2015. A long list of causes – insufficient time with family, social technology, living in an individualistic society, overworked, no religious or spiritual life – but struggles for a “cure.”
Over 25 years ago Dr. Edward P. Wimberly (Professor of Pastoral Care & Counseling at ITC) wrote a book entitled Relational Refugees. “Relational refugees are persons not grounded in nurturing and significant relationships. They have withdrawn from relationships and pursued a life of autonomy. They have destroyed the web of support they need to cultivate a positive sense of self, and as a result, are incapable of healthy relationships with those who surround them.”
I would think the church to be the community to provide the special care needed for loneliness and our relational refugees. However, the irony is this the place from which many of the refugees are fleeting. A focus on doctrine, institutional numbers, personal salvation, upholding community moral standards, certainty of beliefs instead of empathy, compassion and listening. The result is that relational refugees are isolation from community, lacking friendships so they can heal and grow. These refugees are simply homeless.
Add the current cultural ideological emphasis on autonomy, on being strong (with weakness meaning unfaithfulness), on compartmenting feelings, on the pursuit of wealth and power for status – pushes further withdrawal from relationships.
Wimberly offers the model of African American churches of caring community and mentoring to address this “refugee” crisis. “…we need to recover the earlier forms of Christian community in which narrative shaped character, and hospitality, tolerance, and inclusivity were the dominate values.”
The mentoring that Wimberly advocated included deep listening, use of caring empathy to connect to experiences, images, narratives, and concepts of the relational refugees. Providing welcoming hospitality, a positive attitude and a way of simply being present in small groups and one-on-one encounters allows for restoration to health. Offering mentors who become models share their stories and companioning them on a journey of deep exploration as a way out of loneliness.
This model describes the ministries of spiritual formation, spiritual direction and retreats. In fact, in our ministries we are more likely to work with relational refugees than those nurtured and supported in a caring faith community. A gentle inquiry of a directee of their relationships to others can provide a path out of loneliness. A practice of group spiritual direction can be a starting point for a refugee. Intentional emphasis on God’s grace moving us into community and the movement of communities to the larger world must be adopted in our work. Further, our ministries require us to educate and advocate for faith communities to become welcoming communities of listening, sharing personal stories, compassion and companionship. We can be the lynchpin to enable refugees to find welcoming and a caring home.
Reflection by Bill Campbell a certified spiritual director and forest therapy guide, retired Elder in the UMC, and treasurer of HOF.